Why doesn’t what is supposed to work—work?

If you’ve ever found yourself stuck repeating the same marketing strategy expecting different results, it’s time to check out the “Milk Carton Rule”. The rule is simple but elusive for many marketers: solve what you can control, even if it means an unconventional fix. (Read the backstory here: “How Emotionally Intelligent People Use the Milk Carton Rule to Stop Complaining”.)

The Milk Carton Rule in a Nutshell

The “Milk Carton Rule” comes from a story where a one person in a relationship, fed up with the other person who keeps forgetting to put the milk away and was tired of arguing and chastising the other person to put the milk away, was advised to stop trying to change the other person’s behavior and focus on a different solution.

The advice?

Don’t focus on the other person’s behavior. Focus on the process. Buy a second carton of milk, and eliminate the problem without the drama AND achieve your objective.

The key:

Focus your energy on things under your control and let go of trying to “fix” others.

Consumer Marketing: Forcing Offers

This seems to be a marketer’s default setting… change the consumer … bend them to OUR will. Over years of coaching marketing teams, I see this as one of the most common misfires when trying to drive true engagement. Companies think, “If discounts aren’t working—double them!”

But discounts are rarely the real issue. Most of the time it’s customers are bored, disconnected, or want something different entirely. Over those years the top issues I see…

  • Pushing more offers when attention is the problem, not price sensitivity.
  • Leaning on a points program when customers crave experience or community.
  • Tinkering with surface-level incentives instead of solving the root cause, like bad UX or repetitive messaging.

Use Behavioral Science to Reframe the Problem

Behavioral science shows us that people don’t respond to being shoved in one direction at every interaction. And, us marketers while memoaning the lack of consumer engagement, end up repeating the same approach never really moving the needle in any sustainable way.

Instead, think different:

  • Seek out “outside the fence” solutions, like contests, creative games, or social participation.
  • Experiment with programs that reward surprise, co-creation, or storytelling, not just transactions.
  • Notice when teams are stuck trying to “fix the milk problem” instead of just buying another carton.

Coaching Through the Shift

Some of my favorite coaching moves with clients:

  • Challenge assumptions: “Is the problem really price, or is there too much friction?”
  • Create a different future state – what if we couldn’t use the same offers/rewards in the past? What if offers and points become illegal or taxed? What would you do?
  • Encourage trials that pivot the mechanics—like running a community contest instead of sending out blanket coupons.
  • Switch from rigid offers to flexible engagement—let users opt in, skip, or create their own experiences.

Think about the wildest, most viral pop culture campaigns in recent years. They rarely hinge on bigger discounts.

Instead, brands are letting their audience become co-creators—think interactive TikTok challenges, surprise digital drops in games, or UGC-powered product launches. No one “fixed the milk”; they built a new kind of breakfast.

Next time “what should work” just isn’t working for a business challenge, remember: the answer might not be to shout louder, but to work smarter by running around the obstacle—milk carton style.

Net-Net: Don’t be Joey.